Assalamualaikum and hello!

 I wanted to write this out back in July, but could not find any words to describe how i felt. But now, NOW, about two weeks till SPM, and I really wanted to express my feelings(and let out my nerves).

It's now the 14th of October, and i'm undoubtedly anxious. When preparations are mentioned, of course I prepare myself and got a decent but still unsatisfying results for my trials. But god do I want to succeed. These past few weeks I found myself searching and scanning through answers in every line  university pages, looking at the qualifications, the courses they offered and just overall figuring out my next step in my hopefully continued academic career.(i swear im not writing an actual application essay haha)

Day One of Dread and Anxiety
Its the day, I've been through it. Its alright, kind of a weird experience. Different answer booklet, huge spaces between tables, the anxiety of writing your angka giliran and IC number. For the first ten minutes we have before the first SPM paper, also last BM/1 paper ever, I was at the verge of tears. I was up at sometime after five am and was feeling nothing until I was told to fill in my details. The invigilator was going thru everything very fast and I can't keep up so I rolled my eyes, a decent amount of times. But all in all, I feel alright. I feel like I've done it, and its over, and I just need to move on the the other paper. I don't know when I'm going to be updating this little post, but I hope I do.

Last Day of Dread and Anxiety
I left this post hanging, because i can't bear to type out my thoughts when my mind is drained from three papers a day. Its the last day. I feel, fine. Actually, scratch that. I just crossed out 'chemistry' on my calendar and pull out my spm reminder and I can't feel more relieved. I'am excited to not feel so anxious all the time, but am afraid of the absence of a routine for me to follow. Sure, I've planned my december and filled my list with new exciting things and some enhancements to my life but i'm scared i can't pull through.
How will I get out of bed when I hold the power of choice to not face the day ?
How will I stand not contacting my best friend everyday face to face, each day scared of losing her, just like any other time when I am away from anyone ?

I'll continue this on a separate post about high school.
Thanks for reading this dreadful post.