Assalamualaikum and Hello. I was actually in the process of writing yet another depressing post but decided against it. I was having a shitty day, or week, or year really but I came across my old posts and how young I was and how I manage to not talk about how depressed I am/was. I sound happy and cheerful and.. smiling. I dont look stress at all and when I read those posts I don't recognize myself. Its like reading someone else's writing but deep down I know it was me. I know most of the time where I was and if its day or night and who's around me. I wasnt this girl that developed an eating disorder and is clinically depressed. I was a kid. I miss that kid.

There were posts about how I wanted an iPhone. When I got my first personal laptop. When a guy winked at me. When I hung out with my cousins and had a blast. Other/some  people would've documented them on twitter or instagram, and forget about the moment days , years after, and same goes to me. As I scroll around my embarrassing posts feeling like shit I kinda felt hopeless but nostalgic. Because I've forgotten how hard it was to get that iPhone that I still have now, with the home button still working so fine(because I treat it like a lil baby excluding that one time I cracked the screen and boom no phone for three months). I've forgotten how it was 'hard' having to share a laptop with my brother. And the saddest of all, I've forgotten how to live life. I know, "you're sixteen, your live starts after you've finished school."

 But na'ah. I'm so stressed out right now I could blow my head off. I feel so depressed that in the same time my mind is empty and numb. I try so hard to please others each time I move or say a word that it feels like a burden. I love each and everyone I know deeply but they won't care/love me as much. Everyone hurts me even if its unintentional. It's time for me to take care of me too, in spite of looking after other people in my life. I need to get my shit together. and deal with my mental illness and eating disorder, those that sometimes feels like they're gone, but in a snap, they'll come right back.